More Questions

This time we had questions on the way to school to drop off Louie and Benny.

After we say our prayers at night we each take a turn saying what or whom we'd like to pray for. The kids like to pray for things like, "I pray for a sunny day tomorrow," "I pray for a good night's sleep," "I pray for all my friends to be healthy," "I pray for the Reds to win."

For a while now, one of my prayers has been for a friend to get better. She has been battling a rare form of lung disease and I haven't gone into details with the kids, just said that she's sick and I'm praying for her to get better.

Ali passed away last night and on the way to school this morning the boys were asking what cancer is. How do you explain that without freaking them out? I don't want them to be sheltered from death, because it is such an important part of life, but kids tend to be worriers and I don't want to add to that.

They asked if Grandpa M. (who passed away last December) died of cancer. No. They asked if Uncle Boog (who passed away five years ago) died of cancer. No, he didn't either, but these days it isn't all too rare to hear of someone's cancer story. And the people are getting younger.

Ali was only 31-years-old and her diagnosis came only this past March. She leaves behind an adorable daughter and loving husband. I mentioned that I participated in an event that for the three days the walk raised $6.5 million. There are events like that happening all over the world and you would think that one of these days a cure will be found for all cancers.

This is a blog post from Ali's sister's blog telling all about Ali's daughter, Olivia's first birthday party. You can see from the pictures how much she loved this little girl. I know that her family will tell her for years to come what a wonderful person she was and she will know that she is a lucky girl to have such a spirited and loving woman for a mother.

It's hard to comprehend why cancer is taking so many of those we love and care about. I know that there are answers out there for the questions we have. And if you don't know Ali, know that she has inspired so many to live life fully and keep a fighting spirit.

Rememberance

Nine years have passed and what I remember is that my response was one of sheer shock. That this didn't happen here. And, where do we go from here?

I was teaching in a high school when I got a call in my classroom. I was teaching a small group of students that period in a room that was fairly small itself, and it didn't have a television in it. I misunderstood the call. A plane crashed into a building in New York. A terrible tragedy, but worth calling in the middle of class?

The bell rang and the halls were abuzz as I went to my next class where there was a television that I immediately turned on and my large group of students gathered around. A student with a normally large presence in the class came into the room shouting, "We're goin' to war!" I genuinely liked this student and was completely shocked by his response. So many people had just died, the unknowns were many, and his response was pure exhilaration that a war was in our future. It made me sick to my stomach.

How do you find joy in a day that so many people lives were lost, so many families were affected, everything you know has lost its frame of reference? Yes, he was only 15-years-old and I'm sure he was excited for the US to show it strength and muscle...but how do we help our children understand compassion? How do we help them see that an "eye for an eye" is not the answer? I was at such a loss for what to do or say at that moment. Maybe still today.

What I remember today are the people who worked to save the people under the rubble, searching through the dust and wreckage to find their neighbors. There were no no desks, no filing cabinets, no door knobs, nothing. It was all vaporized. I cannot imagine what that must have been like, and yet these everyday citizens went in with hope that they could help someone out of this mess.

I left school to go to the house where I was staying with the two kids I was taking care of while their parents were on a cruise. They came home from school that day and we parked in front of the television for the rest of the day. The parents were out of the country, scared out of their minds. What were they to expect? What will happen? We got a frantic call from them, from this trip they can planned with their brothers and sisters and now they were forced to stay out of the country until things cooled off, until the country got a grasp of what was going on. It was like the world froze and watched the televised reports from what was to be called Ground Zero and the Pentagon. It was a scary feeling to feel this helpless.

Nine years have passed and it is a collective agreement that our world is a different place since September 11, 2001. And yet, Kevin and I have gotten married and had four kids in that time. We have one niece and have one on the way. There have been other marriages, graduations, other celebrations. Things are different now than they were on September 10th of that year, but it is not all bad. Time passes and I remember what happened, and am deeply affected by it. And maybe one of the ways I am affected is that I am raising my kids in a way that I hope they are able to put themselves in the shoes of those who are different than them, able to see that we, as citizens of this world, have more in common with one another than we have differences. Or to have empathy for the tragedies and struggles of their neighbor. I want my children to have compassion, understanding, have faith that we can be a better people.

Validation

This post doesn't deal directly with the boys.

There are many of us who are going through some tough times and often we feel as though we are drowning in the situation. For me, I can often look to my boys' silliness and sweetness to make me feel better, to get my mind off of pressing issues.

Sometimes the littlest things can help. They bring to mind that all of us have the ability to bring a smile to those around us. And although it is just a smile, sometimes that's all we need to get through it.

If you have a minute...or fifteen, please watch this.

Letting go

When Fort beat cancer for the third time (Stage 4) she invited me to go out with her rugby friends to celebrate! Amazingly enough, going home we all fit in that cab behind us.

Last night was the visitation and today was the funeral for my friend, Fort. We were halfway through the line at the visitation and a staff member said there were already 800 there! The church was packed, and it was one of those huge downtown-type churches. It was an amazing tribute to the person she was, and the effect she had on others! I know that the people who visit this site come to find out what the boys are up to, so I apologize if this isn't what you're looking for. There is a connection, though!

When I was growing up my parents surrounded me and my siblings with good friends of theirs. I believe these people played a big role in the development of who I am today. I want the same for my kids. I know that Kevin and I can't provide them with everything they need to become well-rounded, well-adjusted people, but with the help of our friends and family, I believe this is possible.

Already, so many of you are involved in the boys' lives and we are so very grateful for that. They learn so much from you and sincerely love having you around. One of the people I was hoping the boys would get to know as they grew up was my friend, Fort. As I've said before, and as some of you know, she was hilarious and caring and loved life. She had an impossibly optimistic attitude toward everything, and this is something that I believe is extremely important.

So, I want to thank you for being a part of mis tres hijos' lives, and people like Fort will continue to be because I will tell the boys about her and she will live on through my memories.


P.S. If you have a few minutes, this is a great essay that talks about growing older, and one of the things you go through with friends--cancer.

Edited: It turned out that there were 1,500 people that came to the visitation, and I know some had to leave because they couldn't wait as long as they'd like. There wasn't an official count for church, but I hope Fort's looking down and knows that she was loved by many.

If you'd like to read Fort's story (or pass along to someone this might be of interest to) her second blog is on this side of this post labeled under "Links to Friends' Blogs." The link to her first blog is here, and this begins when she found out she relapsed for the first time.

Goodbye

When I was a freshman at OU I went with my friend Fort to see our beloved Bobcats play basketball. We were down 5 pts. with .4 seconds to go in the game. Not 4 seconds, mind you, but point-four, less than a second. As OU's coach calls a timeout fans started milling out of the arena, but I made Fort and a couple of friends stay until the end.

"Why? There's absolutely no way that they can pull this thing out," she cried. And she played varsity basketball, so she would know that it's near impossible for our team to win.

I plead with her, "But we just have to believe in them!" and our two other friends just laugh.

As this is going on someone walks by and says, "Hey Fort! Aren't you getting out of here?"

She replies, "No, we have to stay because Annie believes."

That turned into a bit of a joke afterward, in that they made fun of me because I wouldn't give up. If you want something to happen badly enough it is possible, right?

Well, I guess she proved to me that this isn't always the case. My friend Melissa, known lovingly as Fort passed away over the weekend after at six-year battle with cancer. I am completely heartbroken. It is so difficult for me to imagine that a person with so much love and energy and kindness can be gone from this world. I honestly thought she was going to beat this. I know that she went into hospice after Thanksgiving, but she went home the Friday before Christmas. In the pictures she posted on her blog she looked beautiful! So healthy and happy. I thought for sure she was on her way out of this mess.

Today would have been her 31st birthday.

I can't seem to think of anything else. But I do have some wonderful little angels that happen to live in my house. Yesterday Louie asked why I was crying and I told him that the friend of mine that we've been praying for at night has gone to heaven to be with God. He told me that he, Benny, Charlie, Daddy, all my aunts and uncles and cousins will take care of me.

"And Mom, you'll see her again when you go to heaven," he says.

I know Louie, but it's just hard right now.

Nick (her brother) & Fort

My mom, Fort, Cory, Cory's Mom, Fort's Mom, Me

Fort & Me

off topic

Hi.

I've been debating on whether or not to write this post because this isn't exactly the forum for it, but it's an important request. In this season of love and joy and hope I was thinking that maybe you can open your heart a bit more to say a prayer for my friend.

I'm a big believer in the power of prayer, positive thoughts, and would really, really appreciate if you said a quick prayer, a few positive words for my friend, Fort. You may have seen on this site a link to her blog called "B Positive: Not Just a Blood Type." I have been friends with Melissa, also known as "Fort," since we were freshmen in Jefferson Hall at OU.

You may know someone similar to Fort, but I doubt it. She is one of those people who doesn't have an enemy in the world, makes friends as easily as others blink their eyes. She is completely outgoing and interested in the world around her, eager to make those around her feel welcome and have as much fun as she is having. She is loving and caring, but also funnier than heck and has a knack for getting a smile out of just about everyone.

For about six years now she has been fighting cancer. You can read her blog for background, but basically she started off with Stage 2 breast cancer. In fact, she found out she had cancer and was pregnant on the same day. She lost her son when she was six months along. He would have been five this October. She beat the cancer, but a few years later it resurfaced, this time at Stage 4. She beat it! and we had a good time celebrating that. Unfortunately, about a year ago things started not going so well. She's been having treatment for a while now, but two weeks ago got so sick she was admitted into the hospital. Yesterday she was admitted into hospice.

I don't want this description to be all sad because, as you can see with the title of her blog, she has combated this illness with the very best attitude one can muster. She has opened my eyes to this world I didn't understand, and even though I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around so much of it, her incredible dedication to her blog has allowed me to realize that just because you are told you have cancer it doesn't mean that you have to stop living.

Fort means so much to me. I think the world of her, and believe that she has influenced me in ways that she'll never understand. Please keep Fort, her husband John, and her family in your thoughts and prayers. You never know what a little prayer can do.

Have a good weekend.